“A kid in my third period asked me last spring why my shorts, and I quote, ‘go all the way to my knee like a dad.’ I teach eighth grade. I’ve made peace with being roasted by thirteen year olds on the weekly, but that one stuck with me because he wasn’t wrong, and also because he was wearing shorts that ended a good four inches above where mine did and he seemed to think that was normal, not a statement.” Nick Daley
I teach eighth grade. I’ve made peace with being roasted by thirteen year olds on a weekly basis, but this one kid last spring stood out to me. He asked me why my shorts, and I quote, “go all the way to my knee like a dad.”
It’s not really happening on menswear blogs or runways, not yet. If it is happening, it’s happening in middle school hallways and on golf courses and backyard barbecues. One guy rocks up wearing shorts that are a 5 inch inseam and half the people think that’s a bold choice and the other half doesn’t even notice.
I spent all summer paying attention to this rather than just having a knee-jerk reaction to whatever shorts someone was wearing. I don’t think there’s a correct answer. But I do think I’ve landed on a side.
Why you should go shorter (and why it’s not nostalgia talking)
Whenever someone makes the argument for shorter shorts, it’s usually framed as some kind of time-warped-throwback bullshit. Guys chasing some authentic 19xiety look because Larry Bird style is coming back. And yeah, there’s some of that. But also – and this is a far better argument I’ve heard, mainly from this one dude at my gym who rocks a 5 inseam year round and has opinions – going short isn’t about honoring the looks of decades past. It’s the opposite. It’s about staying as cool as possible in the summer.
He runs hot. Like legitimately hot. The guy sweats through a t-shirt in weather that’s only 60 degrees hot. To him, having an extra three or four inches of material swirling around his knees in July doesn’t feel like a style choice he’s opting into, it feels like extra, unnecessary heat his body doesn’t need.
That makes sense to me. In fact, I respect that logic more than I thought I would going into this. There have been multiple times while standing on blacktop that’s radiating heatwaves back into my body while on recess duty in August that I’ve looked down at my 9 inch inseam and thought they could be an inch or two shorter and I wouldn’t even notice. There’s a valid point to be made about going short that doesn’t revolve around fashion magazines dictating what’s in style and what’s not. Some guys actually just need more airflow and that’s O.K.
The problem of proportion
Where this gets muddy for me is with proportion, which I realize fully admits I’ve tried going short and it did not age well on me. About two summers ago I bought myself a pair of 5 inch shorts, vowed I was going to give them a fair chance, and wore them once to a BBQ with friends. Nobody commented to my face, but I asked around (went to the one guy whose opinion I trust and who will actually tell me the truth about my clothes) and he said, and I am not exaggerating this statement at all, “they’re fine, you just have the thighs of a middle-aged high school teacher, not some guy who plays pickup basketball.” News flash – my body did not proportionally adjust when I wore those shorts. He was exactly right.
Some guys’ legs can handle a 5 inseam and it looks intentional. Other guys’ legs – mine included – have the opposite effect and make you look like you threw your shorts in the dryer and didn’t realize they shrunk.
So where do I land?
At around 7 inches this summer. I found a brand that seemed to fit well and experimented with different lengths. I landed on shorts that hit just above my knee. It was short enough that I don’t feel old wearing them, but not so short that I feel like I’m trying to prove a point by having displayed as much skin as possible. To me, that was the happy medium. Give yourself enough length that you don’t look silly, but not so much that you’re sacrificing your body’s ability to keep itself cool.
7 inches was the perfect compromise for me. High enough off the ground that I don’t feel like I’m wearing gym shorts to a church picnic in the year 1998, but low enough that I don’t feel like I’m trying to show off my thighs that, despite my best weight lifting efforts, spend more time wedged into desk chairs than bending over a basketball hoop. I wore those 7inch inseam shorts coaching my friends kid’s rec league soccer game in July. It was about 90 degrees out and I was dying. But once I stopped thinking about how hot I was I didn’t care how short my shorts were. Kind of speaks for itself there.
I also stopped worrying about guys who wear shorts that are too damn short. Guys who I used to think were chasing trends that will one day look stupid/old. Instead of judging them for it, I thought about why they made that choice. Some dudes have more calves give.
Some dudes don’t care what strangers think. Some dudes actually run around playing pick-up basketball every weekend and can get away with it. It goes both ways too. I stopped viewing guys who would wear those 9+ inch shorts as being trapped in their own hell of 2015 soccer daddy waistband shorts.
The reality of this whole debate is that there’s no right answer. If someone’s living their best life rocking shorts that land anywhere between a 5-9 inch inseam, who are we to say they’re wrong? There’s a right answer for the guy who legitimately runs hot and has the legs to rock that shorter length. There’s a right answer for us mid-calve guys that falls just slightly longer. And there’s a right answer for everyone wearing something that actually fits their body and what they like to do in them instead of pretending to be someone their waistline isn’t.
Gareth teaches in Leeds and dresses for four proper seasons, including the sideways rain. He writes about practical clothes, weatherproofing that actually works, and coats he’s put through a full Yorkshire winter.
