I saw the headline before I saw the shorts. “The Only Shorts Men Should Wear This Summer.” Whoever’s algorithm decided I needed that, wisely didn’t place it above my tired eyeballs until 11pm on a Tuesday night. Right in between two tabs of sneakers I had pulled up to refresh for the fourth time that hour. I clicked it begrudgingly, waiting for sneakers to pop back up hopefully, and landed on seven pairs of shorts all cut inexplicably the same way to my eyes. All “the one everyone’s wearing” despite who’s wearing everyone. All triple what I would normally want to spend on shorts.
The issue with that sentence is everyone isn’t wearing them. I probably spend way too much of my week noting what’s legitimately selling, resale, when things drop versus when things don’t, which cards get sniped in under 90 seconds and which ones linger for a week.
I know sale velocity because I’m halfassing chasing them for a paycheck these days. And men’s shorts, across the board, is not something with a singular holy grail product. It’s six trends masquerading as one if anything.
So when someone comes at me with “the only shorts men should wear” I don’t get hype. My immediate inclination is to question who “men” are to them and why I shouldn’t question everything else they say. Same energy as a drop title “rare, grail, must see” then getting something I saw fifteen other people put up for last month’s round. Doesn’t mean the shorts will suck. Means somebody is profiting off convincing you to think you’re behind.
When the trend cycle gets it right and when it’s full of shit
I’ll give trend cycles credit where it’s due. Shorts aren’t boring this year, and the trend cycle wasn’t lying when it said that. I knew they weren’t boring at the exact same moment everyone else did, which was scrolling past guys at a cookout who every looked a touch more put together than last year’s crop, and it wasn’t their shirts. It was that nobody’s shorts looked like their little brother’s hand me downs anymore.
The shift from oversized knee-bags to intentional pants with seams that actually stopped somewhere around the middle of your thigh. That wasn’t dictated by some spoiled kids on suits that don’t even start summersales until June. That was a tangible shift I noticed before any site tried telling me there was such thing as too short.
Tl;dr, stop giving credit to sites that just observed regular people on the street like us. However, where they do start spinning tales is the “insert random measurement inseam is INRIGHT NOW” rumors that emerge within a month of noticing said shift. Shorts sold well because they looked better across the board. Not because some guy on the internet told you to buy 3 pairs before someone else does.
I watched that happen firsthand with a tailored linen short from one of the smaller032 brands. Retiring at around 68 a pair for months, then boom. Article gets published saying “they’re the best shorts of summer,” and two weeks later I’m watching listings for the exact same shorts spike to 110, 120, some asshole trying to sell me one with a noticeable mark on the hem for 140 because all fucks were released. Tighter than summer used to be? Sure. Made someone artificially increase prices? Also sure.
A friend of mine sent me a snap of that exact listing, captioned “should I.” I told him hell no it’s inflated and will come back down. Came back down to like 75 eleven days later. He bought them anyway. Now he loves his shorts and has taken every opportunity to remind me I was right.
The shorts I would actually buy if I were you
If you trim all the shit talking out of it, the answer is also much smaller than anyicles care to admit. One pair of tailored shorts that you won’t hate getting caught at something a little fancier than beers in the backyard. And somewhere around the middle of your thigh is where they should land. No study required, just me watching the exact same pair of gray trousers work on three completely different body types all summer and they all happened to land at my knee was my data set.
One pair of actual swim shorts that you don’t feel self conscious bringing to the street because honestly everything that passes for a swim trunk these days is somehow both parachute pants and a sleeping bag with a drawstring.
Lastly, something that can hold up to getting destroyed; bought all cotton shorts and ruined them last summer after somehow getting ketchup and sunscreen mixed together all over them. Cotton shorts don’t feel like one washing you can scrub forever but eventually the seams will give. Learned that one the hard way but washing instructions don’t teach you that.
Past that I don’t need anything else the fucking algorithm keeps selling me. I don’t care how “new” crewneck shorts are. Or how easy It is to dress “low rise shorts up.” Or that God awful term “strapless.” Doesn’t matter how hard they spin it, those are still just shorts, and you don’t need that many pairs of shorts. Not because I’m sitting on eleven myself and that number will never see defense but because half the things they’re trying to convince you are “this summers essentials” are just去年 mismarked with a new price.
I will always loverefreshing drops. Probably will refresh those three websites at 3am on a Tuesday for the rest of my life because some bad habits die hard when your whole day revolves around knowing better. But how many shorts you need that’ll actually get worn doesn’t change nearly as quickly as every single one of those articles wants you to believe it does.
Ryan is a Nottingham resale obsessive who hunts secondhand trainers and streetwear, and can tell you which app, which search term and roughly which hour a good listing drops. He also knows how to check a pair is genuine.
