My 23-year-old apprentice told me watches are obsolete last month. Phones have pocket chips now and everyone has one, so “what’s the point?” Anyone wearing one is “cosplaying as their dad,” he said. I nearly choked on my socket wrench. Not because watches becoming auxiliary is something he’s wrong about – he’s not. But this kid said this to me two weeks after buying a Casio because he thought it looked cool working a job site. Really.
That’s my whole argument with you right there. Watches are objectively useless. Any guy who wears one does so despite that fact, because it can say something about you before you’ve said a single word that your phone screen simply can’t match.
So when folks ask me “does Michael Kors make watches for men?” and trust me, I get this question more often than you might think, sometimesbeeijime standing in line at Home Goods, the answer isn’t so much yes or no they make them for men. Obviously they do, they’ve got a whole men’s line with subsections for chronographs now too, bless Americana and wristwatch consumerism. No, the real question behind that statement is should you actually buy one, and here I have feelings, because I’ve purchased exactly two Michael Kors watches in my life and the feelings I walked away with landed firmly in opposite columns of my emotional bank account.
The logo’s workin’ overtime on your wrist
First thing that bugs me about Michael Kors watches on men, and believe me, it took me buying both of them to realize I even cared, is that the logo does more work than the timepiece itself. MK built their mens line around the aesthetic of being blatantly from a fashion brand first and foremost. An actual watchmaker way after that. And when I say that, I mean you can taste it, quite literally. Both of mine had terribly smelt cases, but the one I kept had a nice heft to it that made me feel like I had purchased something grand, but when I took that baby apartWATCH YOSELF (all analog, I’m old), the movement inside was glorified mass market quartz you could find in a wallet watch twice its size that wasn’t stamped with a brand name in the first place.
I was paying for that swish-swosh the logo made on the dial, not what was silently ticking away underneath. Once I realized that, there was no going back.
Now, before we go any further, that’s not inherently a strike against the product. Many watches serve no real purpose beyond looking nice. Luxury watches have been doing that for decades with profit margins and whole customer bases devoted to picking at the micro-engineering of movements. There’s nothing wrong with dropping similar cash on a watch you can’t dissect with your bare eyes, as long as you know that’s what you’re buying into. What really gets my Michael down about MK watches is how the price makes it feel like you can. Sure, you’re shelling out designer brands prices, but for Macy’s quality goods. Everything about the sale is padded, the cost of the timekeeping technology within could
quote higher without losing a modern customer, yet you’re being asked to foot the bill for the logo when all is said and done and expected not to care.
Second gripe, and don’t hate me for getting all pep talk grandpa on you here but hear me out, some of the models lean pretty heftily into that branding. We’re talking big font on the numbers dial, oversized logo on the watch band kind of heavy. Not sleek or subtle in the slightest, looking more like jewelry telling you how to pronounce its name than actually letting you do that on your own time. Again, not my preference, but feel free to pop into your local Michael Kors shop and see if there’s a watch that vibes with yours. Like I said, plenty of dudes dig that, not coming for you to like what I like. Like wearing the brand on your sleeve though? Michael Kors watches aren’t really designed for that. They’re designed to be recognized, and that’s just not what I’m looking for sitting down with the idea of purchasing one.
Where it kind of shines, and where it burned me
Time for me to be fair, though, I try to stay civil even when brands piss me off. The construction of the casing and the band itself, at least on the watch I retained, ended up being much more sturdy than I gave it credit for. Got dropped off a ladder once, wore it through two summers of construction sweat, and the clasp still snaps on with no loose movement. Considering I bought it mostly because it looked good with a collared shirt, that’s holding up better than it has any real need to and I’ll commend them on that point. If your intentions are purely wearing it out in public to look nice without actually investing watch funds into watches, Michael Kors still makes great watches for that purpose and I’d be denying facts if I told you otherwise.
The other watch, that sucker goes in the what I should have learned department. Purchased it used through an online marketplace because it was listed “like new” for half price and I’ll never live that one down. Long story short guys, watch battery decided to leak against the case it was held in and had to be resealed by a professional watch repair shop. Set me back about the cost of the watch itself just to make it work again.
Moral of that story? Don’t buy used watches online if you can avoid it, something I likely would have done had I paid full price. That being said, Michael Kors is hit or miss for me because of that failed experience. Like I said, I know deep down what I’m getting into with these now. Doesn’t stop me from wishing I got a little more watch for my logo though.
Look, if you’re here wondering if Michael Kors makes watches that are actually worth purchasing as a guy, I’ll be honest, my answer is going to be biased, yes and no. They make great watches if you’re the type of person looking for that style on your wrist for that specific reason. Not looking to dive into the world of watch collecting? Happy to wear the same watch for five years?
Michael Kors has something that’ll fit your needs perfectly. They’re not the most reputable on quality materials or mechanics inside, but if that’s what you want on your wrist and you’re okay with the logo representing the quality of the watch itself, sling that bitch on and never look back. Think the name branded on the face means it works like it does on a leather handbag? Tough pill to swallow when you take that baby apart but also something you’ll need to understand before putting any watch logo.
I still have one. Wear it about twice a month, been treated pretty good considering. My recommendation? Know what you’re getting into with these guys both figuratively and literally, then make your decision. Sounds about as mundane as buying anything nowadays, but it’ll save you headaches.
Liam is a sparky from Birmingham who got into charity shopping during one very skint year and never really stopped. He works out the cost per wear on everything he buys, sometimes out loud, sometimes wrongly the first time.
